Contentment is an elusive state in our modern consumer culture.
From social media to television, magazines, and podcasts, we’re constantly flooded with the temptation to measure up. This results in a general state of anxiety called FOMO, or the fear of missing out.
And it’s making us broke.
A survey conducted earlier this year by Credit Karma, a personal finance website, found that “nearly 40% of millenials have spent money they didn’t have and gone into debt to keep up with their peers.” Even more telling is that 73% of this group keep it a secret.
Apparently, FOMO is the culprit of recent trends in hyper consumerism.
Defined in this research study as “a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent,” FOMO creates a “desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing.”
We scratch the FOMO itch by constantly checking our news feeds for the latest happenings while benchmarking ourselves to hundreds–sometimes thousands–of other people in our ‘network’. The internet has unfortunately become a giant hamster wheel of comparisons.The internet has unfortunately become a giant hamster wheel of comparisons. Click To Tweet
Interestingly, FOMO spending is often attached to experiences as opposed to the more traditional practice of buying ‘stuff’. Since many experiences happen in a shared social setting, they’re more difficult to turn down than, say, another designer handbag.
According to online ticketing company EventBrite, consumer spending on live experiences (i.e. parties, concerts, festivals, performing arts, races, etc.) have increased 70% in the past few decades.
The company calls it the experience economy. This shift is further fueled by recent articles and books preaching the benefits of consuming experiences over material goods.
This growing experience economy can be largely attributed to millennials since 8 out of 10 report going to live experiences in the past year. And 60% of them post, tweet, or share their experiences on social media.
Millennials are also more likely to experience FOMO. A whopping 70% of them identify with the phenomenon.
Not surprisingly, FOMO results in lower overall mood and dissatisfaction with life. It’s associated with negative emotional states like boredom, loneliness, fatigue, stress, and other physical symptoms. People experiencing FOMO are more likely to be heavily engaged with social media, even in dangerous settings like driving.
Most of us deal with some degree of FOMO. What can you do to overcome a perpetual fear of missing out, minimize negative emotions, and avoid the steep costs incurred from trying to keep up with peers? How can you find more contentment in life?
Here are three ways to deal with the fear of missing out.
1. Time Out
The most obvious solution is to just turn it off. Unplug from your phone, laptop, TV, radio. Find time to escape from the clutches of Wi-Fi and the lure of 4G.
Sometimes, we just need a good detox from social media and the constant news feed. But that doesn’t mean your brain has to be idle.
You’ll actually have more time and mental space to reflect and pursue fulfilling activities that are not continually prompted by what someone else is up to.
I experienced that this summer when my family went on a camping trip. The campground wasn’t far off the grid but by the time we made it to our site, cell signal was gone.
Luckily, I brought a stack of books to read. I stayed up late one evening devouring Content, Inc. by Joe Pulizzi. Lying in the tent with a headlamp next to my snoring family, I read almost the entire book. It inspired me to get serious about building this website and launching my blog.
Looking back, I credit the progress I’ve made to that night of dedicated reading. I’m not sure I would have made as much progress if I hadn’t gotten unplugged and doubled down on this project.
As a bonus, I got to spend time with my family and enjoy the beautiful outdoors. Taking a time out and breaking away from all the noise was well worth it.
2. Opt Out
If you’re in a busy season and can’t practically unplug, you can still cull the type of information you consume online.
Be intentional about the timing and purpose of your social media usage. Keep tabs on how frequently you visit certain sites. Be aware of the kinds of emails you receive in your inbox and which ones you habitually open.
This is really an exercise in mindfulness which helps us deeply engage in what we’re doing and minimizes FOMO. The easiest way to practice mindfulness online is to create ‘rules’ for yourself. Mine, for example, are as follows:
I don’t check social media until at least lunch time every day. That way, I can focus on being productive in the mornings and thinking creatively without petty distractions about what someone had for dinner last night.
I also don’t check my text messages until noon. I figured if someone has an urgent message, they could call me or get a hold of my husband.
I avoid the ‘Promotions’ tab in my inbox. Period. When I don’t need to buy anything, I don’t need to look because browsing usually ends up in a purchase (or at least time wasted). I’ve adopted this rule for the past year or so and have been able to minimize my impulsive/unnecessary purchases.
I only subscribe to websites that I know will provide valuable content relevant to my current projects and endeavors. I avoid all the rest. Giving away my email address means I’m giving away my attention, which is precious. So I safeguard my inbox and vet all intruders.
I started tracking my time. I use a free online app called Toggl. It’s not always perfect but tracking my time gives me a sobering picture of how much time I actually spend on social media or browsing the internet. Ticking clocks have a way of keeping us from binge browsing.
When you do go on social media, try to look at it through a lens of learning and curiosity, not envy. Instead of being a consumer, be a student. Click To TweetWhen you do go on social media, try to look at it through a lens of learning and curiosity, not envy. Instead of being a consumer, be a student. Your FOMO will turn into empathy and a genuine regard for the wellbeing of your peers.
3. Hang Out
Not the Google kind, but a real hang out.
In an age of ample opportunity and choice overload, it so happens that one of the best antidotes to discontentment is relationships.
Characterizing FOMO as a sort of mental illness, this study concludes that a high level of ‘friend support’ protects against negative effects of FOMO. Evidently, having good friendships acts as a buffer to feeling “deprived of a deserved outcome…”
Hanging out with someone in person provides a more authentic and satisfying connection than trying to relate to a highly curated, digital persona.
Ironically, one of the biggest conundrums of social media is the anti-social effect it has on users. An article on Forbes.com discusses studies done around social isolation in relation to social media. None of them have found a clear conclusion as to whether social media is the cause or the effect of social isolation.
“A central reason that we keep coming back to social media…is that we keep thinking it will give us a boost and make us feel better. But in reality, it makes us feel worse. That errant belief is part of the vicious cycle,” the article says. This aptly explains social media’s ‘highlight reel’ effect.
In contrast, real face-to-face interaction is much more wholesome. The back-and-forth nature of conversation fosters trust and vulnerability so that we can let our hair down.
We can give each other permission to be less than perfect, to be human.
We can resolve to not feel threatened by each other’s successes or failures.
We can develop a deeper connection without spending loads of money to impress.
Most importantly, we can find the courage to be honest about our struggles and not feel compelled to fake an inflated lifestyle.
In doing so, our mental health and our wallets will be much better off.
FOMO fever
In some ways, FOMO can worsen as we get older. Time starts looking more scarce. Life feels more finite.
Even when we’ve deliberately chosen to focus our attention on a certain pursuit, it’s hard to stay content. We find ourselves wondering whether we’ve chosen correctly, whether we’re squandering our resources and opportunities.
Darlene McLaughlin, assistant professor and behavioral health specialist at Texas A&M University, writes, “The problem with FOMO is the individuals it impacts are looking outward instead of inward. When you’re so tuned in to the ‘other,’ or the ‘better’ (in your mind), you lose your authentic sense of self. This constant fear of missing out means you are not participating as a real person in your own world.”
In retrospect, perhaps we'll realize that we never missed out. The only thing we miss out on is the freedom of contentment. Click To TweetIn retrospect, perhaps we’ll realize that we never missed out. The only thing we miss out on is the freedom of contentment. Freedom from coveting, from striving, from performing. Freedom to create instead of consume. And most importantly, the freedom to be–and to give–our very best.
